After ten years, this past week has been the first time in my life that I have been completely unemployed. Here’s how I spent it. I’m not counting the weekend as it was no different. I partied for most of it!
Monday – Day 1.
I woke up at 7am, ready to jump out of bed but then remembered that my alarm wasn’t set and rolled over for a second sleep. I woke back up at 11am. It only got out of bed an hour later because I was hungry. I did not get dressed on Monday and I did not leave the house. Instead, I watched Harry Potter in my pyjama’s. Funemployment is great!
Tuesday – Day 2.
I woke up to missed calls and texts from work asking me questions. I’m glad to see that they managed a full day without me. I quickly fire back answers and get out of bed determined to have a more productive day…. I got dressed at 4pm because I was embarrassed that my housemate would arrive home to see that I hadn’t got dressed again. By getting dressed, I mean I put on a pair of gym leggings and a baggy tee only to proceed and order a Chinese takeaway.
Wednesday – Day 3.
I set my alarm for 8.30 am and snoozed for a full three hours. I got up showered, made food and settled down to work on assignments. I was more productive in 2 hours than I had been all week. I showered, had a call with an ex colleague and NEWS FLASH…I left the house! I saw friends, went for dinner and saw a film. It’s like I’m a real, functioning member of society.
Thursday – Day 4
On Thursday I did what I had been putting off all week – my assignments!
Friday – Day 5
My final day of unemployment before travelling and the morning time was all about grooming. I booked in with a beautician for eyebrow, underarm and bikini wax. I’ve had my eyebrows and underarms done plenty of times, but never been brave enough to let anyone loose on my carpet. But seeing as I’m going to be sharing a dorm with twenty other girls for the next three weeks, I thought it best to not set off with Leo Sayer living between my legs. So I popped some ibuprofen and off I went to Hammersmith for some general maintenance.
A friendly Spanish lady showed me to the treatment room and left me to get ready. I stripped down to my underwear, only for “Maria” to come back and start with my eyebrows. There’s something quite unsettling about lying unnecessarily undressed whilst a stranger does your eyebrows. We got through the eyebrows and underarms without so much as a flinch. Completely pain free.
Then it was on to the main event. Now everyone that told me that it was pain free was lying and my relationship with Maria went quickly down-hill. It’s hard to be friends with a lady who tears the hair from your bits with a hot, molten liquid, all the while telling me to stop “clenching.” It was the sight of blood that made it hard to relax. I’m bloody clenching now just writing this! I left with tears in my eyes and a breeze between my legs.
After that ordeal, a new streamlined version of me, finished packing and went for a final lunch in London for a few months. Now with a beer in hand, the pain is ebbing and I’m ready for off.
anitamaguire 