‘Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it has been 2 years, 6 months, 3 weeks and 4 days since my last blog post.’
Whilst I still have a love for writing, I have bought into the more new-fangled outlets of twitter, instagram and more recently Tik Tok – the less said about Tik Tok the better! Taking time out to sit at a keyboard seems an arduous task when an instagram post says a thousand words. And damnit, I’m a busy woman with places to go and people to see…at least until very recently.
Mid-week pints, Saturday brunches, Sunday pub lunches are all on an undefined-duration hiatus. Stalled until further notice. It’s quite an adjustment, but there’s nothing we can do except stay at home and find a new normal.
For some it’s an opportunity to take up a new skill; upcycle a piece of furniture, learn an instrument, bake banana bread (who even eats banana bread!?), become a yogi etc etc etc. You can’t move on instagram, facebook or twitter without bumping into wholesome suggestions as to how you can use all of the new extra free time that we have. F*ck that!
Here’s the list of everyday things that have changed and how I’m adjusting since lockdown descended and my world shrunk to the confines of a 2-bed flat.
Shopping
When the first wave of panic buying and stock-piling started, I was happy to scoff and roll my eyes. C’mon, how much damage could a common flu really do? But as the situation progressed, I’m embarrassed to say that I jumped down off my high horse and caved. Having managed to bag a tesco delivery slot, I packed my virtual trolley high! Pasta, rice, tinned soup; everything that I needed for the impending apocalypse. But also lots of stuff that I would never buy or could possibly ever need. So whilst everyone else was creating culinary delights in the kitchen, in the first week alone I lived on toast and onion rings. Take it from me, no one should eat TEN packets of onion rings in a week!
Since the bulk shop, I’ve only ventured out for groceries once. I queued to get into a Tesco Superstore like it was Fabric or Coppers on a Saturday night. Giving the bouncer a confident nod as he let me in – buzzing that I could see a good stock of fresh produce on the other side of the door.
The whole experience was pretty overwhelming. Whilst the one-in, one-out practice meant that the store wasn’t crowded, people didn’t seem to have any concerns about social distancing. My desire to get in and out as quickly as possible meant that my planned weekly shop ended up being a loaf of bread, more pasta, two Easter eggs and a box of Coco Pops. I’m set up for another week of nutritional poverty.
How to dress
I’m not particularly girly, never have been. I don’t put a huge amount of thought or effort into what I wear. I don’t have a fancy skin-care routine and I don’t bother with make up or hair straighteners most days. But Jesus H. Christ, I have gone from bad to worse. On Friday, I put on clean pyjama bottoms for work and I was so proud that I ended up showing most of my colleagues on our video calls.
Sidenote: I finally changed out of those pyjama bottoms three days later.
Today I showered, put on real-world clothes and a full face of makeup, just to sit in the sitting room. It was a treat (both for me and my poor, unfortunate housemate!). How are people deciding when to wash their hair when they’re not planning around social events and nights out? It’s just so much effort!
Socialising
Humans are a social animal. Whether your personality is introverted or extroverted, we are naturally wired to be part of a pack. We’ve quickly adapted to our situation and rather than physical meet ups, virtual houseparties, zoom calls, skypes and facetimes are becoming an important part of the tapestry of life.
And I’m still managing to make a fool of myself within the confines of my own home. Last Friday, I participated in a variety of Friday night house parties. Sharing a drink with colleagues, friends from home and people that I hadn’t spoken to in an age. Sharing a drink or two with each group, on an empty stomach was a bad idea. I tried to soak up some of the alcohol with a nutritous dinner consisting of crumpets and honey. My last memory before rolling into bed is of inhaling crumpets, so the next morning when I got up I was expecting to find an opened packet of crumpets going stale on the side. But the kitchen was clear. Had I dreamed up the crumpets? I wasn’t sure. I checked my Tesco account and I had had some in my delivery. There was no evidence of them anywhere. Had I eaten the whole packet of nine crumpets? It was the only plausible answer.
Worringly, I had woken up hungry!
It was only two days later when I found the remaining six crumpets in the freezer. NGL, it was a big relief!
One thing that I’ve realised (more than my ability to put away carbohydrates) is how driven I am by FOMO. I’m quite happy staying in my flat, binging Netflix and keeping my distance from people, but I hate the thought of people having the craic without me and missing out. I’ll travel hours, sometimes days, just to catch the end of a party…and do you know what, it’s always well worth it!
The only setback to my current laziness/ unsocialness is that it doesn’t generate much content for this blog, but I have over two and half years worth of content in my back pocket surely that’ll be enough to keep us going for the duration. We’re all hearing enough about lockdown and coronavirus, so I’m bringing back the blog for a distraction and hopefully to raise a few laughs.
I just have to figure out what is suitable for my parents consumption. Mammy, maybe don’t read these posts from now on, K? xoxo
anitamaguire 